Eat. Geek. Study

 Social awkwardness is awkward.

and I’m not diggin it. This is so whole wheat they sprinkled grains into and on top of the bread.

Which makes it crunchy.

DO NOT WANT.

But! I literally have 0 dollars so I can’t buy more, less whole wheat, but still kinda whole wheat bread.

-Insert Unhappy Face Here-

really, REALLY, makes me upset.

Upset like the fat kid get when he watch that skinny ass from his art class take the last cookie at lunch.

Upset like the anger management patient who just got cutoff in traffic on his way to get a frosty.

Upset like the overachiever who gets a 91 on a test.

Upset like the monster under your bed when tuck your feet in so he can’t get you.

Upset like France’s national soccer team the the World Cup.

Upset like Ricky Martians girlfriend.

In short. Really, really mad. So, shut your bitch ass up and don’t complain when I find peace locked alone in my room, in the dark, like a vampire. Sitting for hours in front of the screen on the laptop who’s battery is total shit, ranting about un·re·turned friendliness.

I am my own animal,

A Lindsey-Saurs-Rex

A fierce, protective, stealthy predator in the brush,

Stalking the darkness, but equally invisible in the day,

Until that last fleeting second, moments before it is too late

And I burst from the realm of nothingness into the world

Too bright,

Too flashy,

Too me to be ignored.

I am my own animal, and you had better be afraid.

A lame poem. But a poem none the less

1.  You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2.  You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3.  There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4.  Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5.  Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6.  “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7.  Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8.  What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9.  Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

First and formost. Hands up to my alliteration.

Second, http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/8l7krX/whathappenedinmybirthyear.com/

Go to this website as soon as you’re done reading this. Type in your birth year and see if it affected you in the same way it affected me.

First, my dear followers, or really at this point, my dear friends. Let me tell you how I managed to come across this little jewel. As most, if not all of you know, I am addicted to stumbleupon.com. A wonderful little time waster that allows you to put in your interest and then skip across the internet to pages it things you’ll like. So, just before I went off to the gym I came across the site, and instead of stumbling onto another, I entered my birth year… and was amazed.

This site talked of a world long gone, spoke of some things I knew, and remembered, like GoGo Gadget and some things I didn’t, like the sequel to Gone With The Wind, called Scarlet. But throughout, the tone of the speaker seemed far wiser than just a typical trivia site. For some reason, it seemed to speak to me, remind me of things I had forgotten or pushed aside in my relentless, and sometimes hopeless pursuit of a future.

It started with, “In 1991, the world was a different place.” A fact that I know well, but then it went into detail, drilling in the fact that in 19 short years, the face of the planet had changed, society had changed, the world had changed. People had been left behind, ideas and nations abandonment in the dust of those rushing towards the future. It reminded  us about how we were as children, how we thought that we had all the time in the world. Back when we didn’t even understand the concept of time.

It ended with, “What path have you taken?” And I seriously thought about it as I laced up my running shoes. I glanced at myself in my mirror, taking in my 19 year old self. I could remember when I was a kid; I could remember when my only worry in the world was how long I would get to play outside, or the best way to annoy my big brother (ways to simply get his attention I later realized). As I stared at myself in the mirror, I could see the 7 year old Lindsey. Half as tall, with long curly hair, just as unruly as it is today, falling past the middle of her back, a satisfied  smile on her face, proud of the me I am today.

The path I had taken…. As I started the treadmill up at the RAC, I continued to think on it. I felt as if I had strayed many times from the path I thought I was supposed to take. First, I had been determined to become an actress, so obsessed with fame and movies that I had driven my brother to the point where me made me Lindsey TV. A paper bag with a hole in the center, decorated like a television that I would sit and talk in. All the had to do to keep me occupied is set up a video camera and I could talk for hours. Next, I was convinced that I was going to become some kind of zoologist. So much so that I wrote a letter to poachers in Africa, threatening that I would ‘send my big brother to punch you in the face!’ if they didn’t stop hunting cheetahs. What happened to those dreams? Reality, really. In reality, the chances of me becoming a famous actress were slim to none, so I tossed that dream out. In reality, I wasn’t a huge fan of becoming dirty (A fact I discovered as I got older, in my youth nothing could keep me from rolling in the dirt).

I stopped for a water break, jumping onto the side of the treadmill to reach for my water, only then noticing that I had been running for 15 minutes straight. A personal feat. I took a look around me, at all the other girls (and one obvious foreign exchange guy, probably from Asia.)  and wondered, “What path’s have they chosen? How do they know that they’re on the right path?” and “Am I going to die because I’ve run this long?” Who knows really, and I wasn’t about to ask the girl next to me, who was going like she was running for her life how she had discovered her ‘path’.

Jumping back on the treadmill, I thought of a lot of things. But my mind kept drifting back to the imagined 7 year old me. I once heard that if you think that your younger self would be proud of you, you’re doing pretty good, and I have to agree. 7 year old Lindsey’s smile could be bigger though, she could have a full teeth grin on her mouth… but how to make that happen! So I thought back, thought back to the days of that time, to the things I valued then and came up with a list.

-Helping people

-Being happy

-Making others happy

And seriously guys, that was it. Three things. Next, I tried to connect these things to my life now. Forensic chemistry, the career path I have chosen, can help people. I can help give closure to victims families and bring justice to the unjust. And even if I don’t become a forensic chemist, I can still do things that will improve the lifes of the people around me. I could research new drugs, to heal the sick, improve technology to make life easier. Hell, I might even help invent something stupid, used just got entertainment. But no matter how that path strays, I’ll be helping. 

Alright, what about being happy. And this, my friends, is where my problem seemed to be. Sometimes, I have trouble being happy, (Shocking!) I try my best to be as upbeat as I can, but sometimes I let myself forget to the things that make me happy. Sometimes, I get so busy comparing myself to others, their expectations, and my accomplishments compared to theirs, that I disregard what makes me happy. Thus, my occasional mood swings. Making others happy can be connected with this too. If I’m not happy, how can I make others happy? If I am oozing negativity, how can I spread happiness? I can’t.

As I walked, carefuly, slowly and painfully down the stairs of the cardio deck and hobbled to my truck, I made myself a little promise. To work everyday to keep myself positive.

So what if the kid next to me in Organic Chemistry get’s 100’s on everything. We are different people, and I have to be proud of my progress. I should gain pleasure of being able to do better and better, I should take pride in my success and not let myself focus on my shortcomings.

I will love and be loved. I have plenty of people who will attest to loving me, and I have plenty of people who I love.

I will work to be positive, to cheer up others, and to let those around me know I appreciate them. This includes God. Meaning that I will appreciate not just the people, but the environment as well. That’s right, no matter how sappy that sounds, it’s true. I will look around me and take note of how beautifully the colors in the sky go with the colors of the earth. I will delight in the sunset and I will not hate the sunrise. I will occasionally stop to smell the roses. I will smile at strangers if they are looking my way, and not get angry if they fail to smile back.

I will be me.

And I know that the next time I look in the mirror and see 7 year old Lindsey standing there, she will smile at me brightly. She will look up at me and flash me the thumbs up.

           –adjective, -pi·er, -pi·est.

ayoalison:

• Walk over to me just to say hi when I’m with my friends.
• Hugs me with both arms. Not the half-assed one armed hugs.
• Starts the conversation & keep it going on for hours.
• Do stupid but cute things just to make me laugh.
• Accepts the fact that I can’t go out much.
• Still likes me even though I don’t drink/smoke/do drugs.
• Loves to smile, smells good & dresses nicely.
• Use correct grammar.
• Are reading this.
• This list is endless, I could go on & on. I love you guys. <3